Control
by CrystalBrooke
Summary: He wasn't my Riley, I reminded myself. He didn't care about me, the way I cared about him. All he wanted was for me to fight in the army, and be the monster I was supposed to be. -Bree's story, with a twist. Written before Stephenie's version.
1. What I've Become

**OK, this is something different. Give it a chance and a review! I promise, this story is gonna get sooooo much better. xxxxxxx Oh and by the by, i'm not going to stick _too_ closely to the info of her situation in Eclipse, so don't be too offended. xxxxx**

* * *

ONE: WHAT I'VE BECOME

I began to regret my decision the minute I had made it. I was just asking for trouble, walking home alone, especially in Seattle. The city I had grown up in, and loved, had become something dangerous, something to be avoided. There were less tourists, deserted streets at night, yet the murder count kept rising. I couldn't pretend I wasn't afraid. I was terrified, that it could be me next.

In the eerie quiet of the street around me, I felt uneasy. My breathing and heart rate increased as my pace quickened. I thought longingly of being at home, in bed, oblivious to the haunting streets. I focussed on taking one step at a time. Terror, a diluted solution in the pit of my stomach, reminded me it was there. I ignored it.

The wind whipped around my face, chilling me with its ice. The only sound was that of my footsteps, the occasional car engine, and indiscernible sounds I didn't pay close attention to. The light in the lamp post ahead was flickering. The windows of the buildings around me were black, empty of life. I took a couple of deep breaths.

My intuition burst into life. I could feel someone watching me. And I instinctively knew I wasn't being paranoid. Despite every impulse screaming at me to run, I stopped dead, listening for a footstep, a breath mixing with the wind, anything. But the silence was as dense as always. Almost impenetrable, unbreakable. Even I was afraid to break it. And the lack of noise was what frightened me the most.

I tensed a second before it happened. Some part of my brain had accepted that I had been a fool to walk home alone, and I would get no less than what I deserved. I had just jumped in to swim with the sharks. I knew I was going to get hurt, but I did it anyway. But I didn't want to die. The terror exploded into something powerful, and very real.

Strong arms grabbed me from behind me, but they were almost too strong… there was no way I could physically resist, no point to a struggle. I couldn't move. The hand around my mouth prevented my scream, but my horrified throat couldn't even summon up any noise.

I couldn't take it in at first, because it didn't fit with the situation at all, but my frozen brain registered a startling fact. The man, the guy who was holding me in an unbreakable restraint… was _smelling_ me. I could feel the curve of his nose trailing along my neck, and I hear him inhaling through it. It was incomprehensible; I closed my eyes and prayed it would all go away.

I should have been prepared for the pain, because this man was going to kill me, for no apparent reason it seemed; I had no money, or anything valuable. But the pain was sudden and absolute; my piercing scream was muffled by his hand, whose hold became tighter, almost suffocating. He had bitten my neck. The world began to spin, as I felt myself becoming light-headed, weaker… I didn't know how he was murdering me, but it was working… energy drained from my body, I could feel my heart, once beating so rapidly out of fear, slow down until it almost stopped. I couldn't breathe…

* * *

There was nothing but pain. I was blind, my eyes screwed shut from trying to resist it. I held my whole body frozen in the same position; every time I moved, I screamed with the fresh waves of torture that washed over me. They weren't so bad when I stayed still, but they were enough to keep me screaming. I felt as though I was being attacked by needles. They pierced into every inch of my bones, shredding my flesh on the way.

I couldn't take it. I wanted to die. If this was death, than I didn't deserve this. The pain was so intense and all-consuming, and my brain was driven to insanity by it, tormented by every wave of agony.

But it began to fade, to my disbelief and relief. Every second, the wave wasn't as strong as the previous one, and I could feel a little of my strength returning. My memories slowly began to trickle back to me, forced from my mind as the pain had taken over. I had had no distractions from it. The last memory I had was leaving Karen's house, walking home… then nothing. Blank.

I was lying there, wincing at the small stabs of pain that still attacked, when I realised I could open my eyes. The pain had made me lose all concept of time, and I had become so used to the dark. I opened them slowly, and I was immediately distracted from the minor pains now.

I was in an unfamiliar room, lying on the ground. My horrified eyes took in the bodies all around me… they were all wincing, screaming, grimacing in pain… writhing as the waves washed over them, moaning as they were fiercely attacked by the pain I had only just recovered from. And then I remembered the man who had attacked me. Was he some kind of psycho, who captured his victims and poisoned them, leaving them to suffer? Did he know I would recover from it? What would happen to me now?

"Oh good, you're awake."

I whirled around at the unfamiliar voice, frightened. I registered an extremely good looking guy, who was smiling at me; the last thing I felt like doing. I stared at him, struggling to understand. I didn't feel like myself either, which didn't help. Everything was confusing, and I wished I could sleep, and forget. Or preferable, this being a nightmare, I could wake up.

"Don't be scared," the man said. "I'm not going to hurt you, and I'll explain everything. I'm Riley," he added, extending his hand. I didn't move. I really didn't feel good. My throat was burning, and I had assumed it was from all my screaming. But it had evolved from being uncomfortable to being something I couldn't ignore. I didn't understand what it meant.

Riley appraised me for a moment, before grabbing my arm and pulling me upright. A small squeak of shock escaped me. He was strong, but at least he wasn't like the man who had attacked me. I would never get over the feel of his restraint, the complete helplessness I had felt. I hoped that same guy wasn't here.

"You're alright," Riley assured me, pulling me along. I followed, barely resisting, no light bulbs flashing above my head, no plan of getting away bursting into my mind. I had had the chance already to be killed. Why would they be prolonging my murder? I no longer cared what happened to me. The burning pain I had endured… after that, I could endure anything.

I was shocked as Riley led me out of the dark room, full of writhing, suffering people, into a spacious hall; shiny wooden floor, high ceiling, paintings that looked expensive. And then along into a living room, complete with an expensive looking furniture suite, plasma TV… I was dreaming. I had to be.

"What's your name?" Riley asked me. He looked genuinely curious. I was completely freaked out and petrified, aches and pains all over my body, my throat screaming for something, and my mind clogged with information that I couldn't understand, yet I felt compelled to answer him. There was something about him that made me feel safe, and I wasn't sure whether this was intuition or me acting the deluded fool again.

"Bree," I whispered, unable to project my voice. My throat felt like it had swollen, restricting my voice.

"That's a nice name," he said. I would have smiled at him, but again, I had never felt less like smiling.

"Riley!" A shrill, female voice rang through the room suddenly, and I jumped with fright. A woman strode in, her hair the colour of flames, her expression terrifying.

"Yes, Victoria?" Riley said, springing to his feet immediately, an eager look about his face. Victoria looked me up and down, her expression changing into that of distaste.

"Who's this?" she demanded of Riley.

"Bree," Riley said promptly. "She just woke up."

"Hmm," Victoria said. She stepped closer to Riley and whispered in his ear, but to my complete surprise, I could hear every single word she said. But I didn't pay attention. Everything was too surreal; the unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar world I was in, I didn't even feel like me in this world.

Victoria swept from the room. She intimidated me, and the five seconds she had been in the room, terror of where I was and what had happened had been replaced by my instinctive terror of her. I had already decided not to get in her way.

"Right," Riley said, collapsing on the couch and indicating that I should sit across from him. I did so, sitting down stiffly.

"Is your throat sore?" he asked me suddenly, surprising me. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just nodded. He smiled grimly. "That's because you're craving blood."

"You what?" I said, not sure I heard correctly.

"That's why you're throat is burning you - you're craving blood. Because you're a vampire now." Riley said it all so calmly, in a rehearsed manner, as though he told this story a million times. I wonder how many hadn't believed him, just like me.

"You're crazy," I said, standing up and eyeing the exit. He was right in front of me before I had a chance to move. His expression was determined, yet kind. He grabbed my hand and forced it to rest on my chest, over where my heart should be. I waited to feel the gentle thudding of my heartbeat. He waited, watching my face.

It never came. I had no explanation, other than that my heart wasn't beating. I became frantic. My heart should be beating. I wasn't dead. I was standing here, breathing, living, as far as I knew, and my heart should be beating. I couldn't handle this.

"Bree, calm down," Riley said, his tone reassuring. "This is normal for a vampire. Your heart has stopped beating. Your skin will always be cold. You can't sleep. You will sparkle when you step out into the sun. And you will always crave blood. The sooner you just accept my words as truth, the sooner you can prepare for the battle."

My breathing was shallow as I tried to absorb this. My head was spinning. A part of me was screaming at me to call him a psycho, and try and run away. I mightn't get very far, but at least I attempted it. But another part of me felt the burning in my throat, the coldness of my skin, and missed the absent beating of my heart. Maybe this was real. It was too bizarre to be real, and I couldn't find the reality in this situation, but I had nothing else to believe in.

I nodded, hoping maybe Riley would leave me alone to think about things. Maybe then I could sort out my feelings, and my thoughts.

No such luck, it seemed.

He pulled me into a hug. It was a gesture of affection that seemed so foreign to me here. It surprised me. He was just trying to comfort me, I told myself, but I wondered why he felt he had to. By the looks of it, he had to tell the story to all the rest of those writhing people in that room, and would he hug all of them? I doubted it.

His skin was cold. I remembered what I was wearing. A short black dress, that had been suitable for the party at Karen's. It didn't feel so suitable here. I pulled away, looking down to see how dirty it had become, when I noticed something. My body looked different. I used to be quite curvy, but now I was slender and tall, a completely different shape. I didn't even bother feeling surprised.

"There's loads I need to explain to you," Riley said, and I glanced up. He was watching me. I would have blushed, but I found myself incapable of it.

I nodded, my throat now painfully restricting me from speech. I was accepting now, yet still not quite believing.

"Come on. I'll bring you somewhere you can beautify yourself. Not that that will take long," he said, flashing me a grin. It took me a while before I realised he had been complimenting me. My answering smile was too late; he had already turned around. I followed him down the spacious hall again and he gestured into a bathroom. He saw my smile this time, and returned it.

I locked myself in the small room, expecting to break down into tears. But they never came either. To distract myself, I staggered to the mirror. My reflection shocked me. My whole face had changed. I was beautiful now. I had spent a lot of my life wishing I could look like the girls in the magazines, and now that I did, I would have traded it all to be who I used to be. _What_ I used to be.

There was makeup and perfumes delicately lining the sink. I wondered why Riley had asked me to beautify myself. I layered on the black eyeliner, a look I had always rocked because of my love for rock music, and it made me feel a little like my old self again. I didn't bother with anything else.

I left the bathroom, and Riley was waiting outside it for me. He smiled in appreciation, it seemed, but I barely noticed.

"You look nice," he said. "It's easier when we blend in, easier to catch prey. We're stunning to human eyes, so that helps us a lot."

I nodded again, feeling a little sick. He was referring to people as_ prey_. As though they were no better than cows or chickens, someone no one will miss. I wondered was anyone missing me.

"How long…?" I couldn't finish the sentence. My throat seared with every breath I took, and every word I tried to say. I held my breath, wondering if it would make a difference. I shouldn't have been surprised, when I found I could hold my breath for as long as I wanted without collapsing from lack of oxygen. It helped, a little.

"Three days," Riley answered, guessing my question. This surprised me. The pain had stretched on for what seemed like months. People would be looking for me. My work. My friends and family. If I had had a boyfriend, he'd be looking for me too. But maybe it was better if I stayed away from them for a little while longer. Until I knew what I was.

"My throat hurts," I mouthed, wincing at the foul sensation. Riley grinned at me suddenly, a grin so wicked it sent chills through me.

"Don't worry," he said. "It will be night soon."


	2. Happy Place

TWO: HAPPY PLACE

Riley led me into another room. I had followed, beyond caring about what had happened to me, or what lay in my future. The pain in my throat had reached almost endurable levels of agony, and I kept my hand clamped around my neck, even though it made no difference at all.

The room was dark, and crowded with others. Beautiful people, some also holding their throats. They all looked the way I felt. Confused. Scared. The hum of voices ceased the minute Riley came into their view. It seemed he demanded their respect, but he had earned it from me. He had no obligation to show any kindness towards me like he had.

"Wait here," Riley told me, and left the room. I thought I heard the click of a lock, but I couldn't be sure.

Eyes avoided mine. I stood against the wall next to the door, and slid onto the floor, feeling drained and hopeless. It wasn't a good feeling. I no longer cared about anything; I hadn't the energy to care. I wanted the pain in my throat to go away, and then I wanted to close my eyes and drift away. Whether I came back or not, I didn't care.

A male vampire jumped to his feet, catching the eye of everyone. We were all vampires now, weren't we? That was what we had been told. No other explanation had been given, and we weren't in a position to choose what to believe. I was a vampire. As I thought the words, I almost smiled. How ridiculous and impossible. Yet easy to believe.

I focussed on the man who had stood. He looked quite deranged, and my heart sank. The last thing I wanted to listen to was his hysterical rant. I had enough problems of my own without having to listen to his.

"Why are they locking us in here?" he demanded of the locked door, his throat hoarse. He winced at every word. His throat seemed so much worse than mine. I felt a sudden rush of pity for him. We were all in the same situation at the end of the day. I regretted my earlier thoughts. It all depended on your ability to handle the cards you were dealt. Some were more accepting than others. This man was clearly at the end of his rope.

No one answered him. Everyone just continued to stare desolately ahead of them, lost in their own thoughts. The man sat down after a few minutes, when it became clear he wasn't going to get the answers he was searching for.

I counted the amount of vampires in the room with me. There were around thirty, and they all looked exactly how I felt. We all were waiting for the pain to stop, and maybe even hoping that this was a horrible dream, and we would wake up and be with our loved ones again. I didn't know about them, but I knew I didn't have enough imagination to dream anything like this.

I don't know how long we all sat there. No one made any other effort to speak, and many of us had stopped breathing, trying to ease the roaring pain in our throats. The silence was dense. The room was dark, but no one felt like getting up to turn on the light. I just gazed straight ahead of me, searching for a topic safe enough to dwell on, something I could think about without distressing me further.

And my thoughts landed on Riley.

* * *

The door clicked open, and I jumped to my feet. I became aware I was the only one who moved, but I didn't care. I was beginning to feel claustrophobic in this room.

It was Riley, again, and I felt a sense of relief wash over me.

"Let's go," he said darkly, to the entire room. Everyone got to their feet and followed him obediently. I was swept up into the crowd. We walked through the house and out a back door, ending up in a dark and narrow street, which was empty of life.

"Now, before I let you go, a few warnings," Riley said. I noticed the way his eyes flickered throughout the entire group and landed on me. "Do not go to visit any of your loved ones, and I mean this, because you will probably end up killing them. Just don't do it." A few faces in the crowd looked stricken.

"Remain as inconspicuous as you possibly can. And don't even try running away, to escape this situation that you're in; you have nowhere to go that won't involve you killing many people along the way. So just return here when you're full."

A chill blasted its way down my spine.

"And actually listen to me. We've had people before who have killed their entire families, just because they didn't listen to me. You may not want to hear me, but I do have your best interests at heart." He grinned at all the sceptical faces. "So, I guess that's it. Bon Appetite," he said, with another wicked smile. Suddenly, I was alone.

I felt a little panicked. I didn't want to kill anyone; I was not a murderer. I was going to go to a chemist, and get medicine for this throat. It was the only sane thing to do, I realised, and I couldn't believe no one else had even considered the option that other people didn't have to die. I started to walk, and it frightened me, how fast my walk had become. I flew silently down the street, and it made sense then to me how everyone had vanished so quickly.

I hadn't even broke into a run, yet.

I reached a main street. The lights were illuminating the street, traffic lights and shop signs adding to the glow. I couldn't find civilisation. I deduced it must be pretty late at night. I continued to walk, hoping I could maybe run into another vampire, or preferably, Riley, who would help me. I felt lost.

But then the most delicious scent accosted my nose.

It was mouth-watering, absolutely divine, and my throat began to scream for a taste. I grabbed at my throat as it burned, blistering every inch of my mouth, until I felt myself going crazy with the pain. I turned in the direction of the smell.

It was a middle-aged guy, falling out of a taxi. I could smell the alcohol fumes radiating off him, but through them, I could smell that delicious scent. My throat burned so fiercely, I couldn't ignore it. I waited until the taxi drove out of sight, and even doing that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The man began to stagger up the street, and I followed silently.

I crept up on him until I was right behind him, and I caught a full blast of his scent. It stunned me for a moment. I was overcome with the craziest urge: _bite him_.

_No, that's crazy. I'm not biting him._

_Bite him!_

_No._

_Bite him!_

_No!_

_BITE HIM!_

My throat seared with pain, and my mind was overtaken by this insane… _thirst_. I didn't know how else to explain it. Before I could stop myself, I had bitten his neck. His shocked cry of pain was immediately muffled by my hand; a reflex action. When I tasted blood, I couldn't concentrate on anything else. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted. My throat was immediately soothed, and I couldn't get enough of the warm liquid.

All too soon, I felt, it ran out. And then I realised how limp the man's body had become. With a gasp of shock, I released him, and watched him fall to the ground, white, drained of blood.

I ran straight back to the house, arriving there in seconds. The image of the man's drained, lifeless body was burned into my memory, and I didn't think I'd ever make it fade. I was a murderer. I had killed an innocent man.

What didn't make me feel all that better, was the fact my throat had stopped burning, at least as painfully. It was still mildly uncomfortable, and I had the feeling more blood would suffice to make it something I could live with. But I couldn't face going back out into that street, hunting for another innocent person, to take their life away so I could make mine a little easier. I was not that person.

"Are you full already?"

I jumped at the voice, and span around. It was Riley. Once again, I was immensely relieved to see him.

"Um…" I said, not sure how to answer his question. Riley walked towards me, and stood very close. My breathing became shallow; what was he doing? He stared into my eyes, and with a shock, I realised his were a scarlet red, almost the opposite of the black they had been earlier.

"You should go back out," he said softly. "I don't think you had enough." He appeared to realise how close he was standing, and he cleared his throat and stepped swiftly away, leaving me with very confused feelings.

"No, it's OK… I don't want to kill anyone else," I said, almost inaudibly. He still heard me. He said nothing, but just scrutinised me. I felt self-conscious under his gaze, and I wondered how red my own eyes had become. The impossibility of everything I had been through slammed into me in that moment, and I just couldn't believe something like this had happened to me.

I felt hysteria rise within me. What was I going to do? How did I escape this nightmare? How did I make everything OK again? Would anything ever be the same as it was? Questions tortured my mind. I had no answers. The best I could hope for was that someone would give me instructions to follow, so that maybe I could feel like I was serving a purpose. I was completely lost, and I had abandoned all hope.

"Are you alright?" Riley asked me. He was reading the panic and hopelessness in my eyes with a worried expression.

"Not really, no," I answered truthfully. I mean, what else could I say? _Yes, I'm fine? _I had never been less than fine in my life. My whole life had been turned upside down. Fiction had become reality.

"Can I help?" Riley seemed anxious. I wondered why he cared so much. From my impression of the rest of the vampires, all they cared about was themselves. No one besides Riley had offered me a kind word, or asked me how I was holding up. So why was Riley the only exception?

"I don't know," I said. "Unless you can tell me the reason I'm here, and how the hell I can escape." My voice rose a couple of octaves with every word. Riley appeared pained, and I couldn't imagine why.

"You're here because you're needed for Victoria's army," Riley explained. "You need to fight with us."

"Why was I chosen?" I fired at him. "Why me?"

Riley's expression became cautious. "You were chosen at random, so I'm sorry it had to be you."

I was furious. His answers were so final, and they weren't what I wanted to hear. I _needed_ to fight with them; I had no choice. I didn't know how to fight. I was always useless at confrontations. I would be just as useless in a fight; one of the first to die.

Despair flooded through me, draining my fury completely. There was nothing I could do, absolutely nothing. It was hopeless. The whole situation had become a large black blanket, smothering me, shrouding me, and I had absolutely no way out.

Riley had seemed even more concerned about the slumping of my shoulders, the spark of defiance in my eyes extinguishing, than he had about my sudden burst of anger. I barely noticed him. I just sat on the ground, waiting until I was told what to do next.

After that night, when I had finally accepted my bleak fate, the nights that followed became routine. Every night the group of new vampires, including myself, were led into that cold, lifeless room, to wait for night. We didn't eat, we didn't sleep, sometimes we spoke. I thought in a situation like that I would have been bored stiff. But I actually found myself with distractions.

Thoughts of Riley sprung themselves up on me, and I had immersed myself in daydreams before I could stop myself. They were frequent, and sometimes confusing. I wasn't sure where my attachment to him had come from, but maybe it was because he was the first person I had seen when I woke up in this nightmare, and the only person since who had showed any aspect of humanity towards me.

The pain in my throat was a constant annoyance. I refused to feed as heartily as the others, who often made bets on how many they would be able to 'catch', and praised each other on finding full buses and the like. It sickened me. I felt even more sickened by myself, as I obediently walked the streets until I found a vulnerable victim, and was unable to stop myself from taking his or her life. Afterwards, I always ran back to the house before I could be tempted again. Taking one life every night was enough for me. Too much.

And then there was Victoria. She terrified me. Her presence commanded attention, and she often spoke to all of us, giving little pep talks and sharing her knowledge of our abilities. She didn't give us much information on who we would be fighting, which made me nervous. Anytime the fight was mentioned, a fist filled with apprehension and fear would clench itself tightly in my stomach.

And then there were the battles. Between the vampires I lived with. Males, usually, drawn into an argument over something trivial, would end up pulling each other apart. Our numbers were decreasing because of this. Every time this happened, I would shrink into a corner, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out what was happening, and go to my happy place.

My happy place was with Riley. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for a happy place, but I had nowhere else, and no one else at the moment.

I knew Riley and Victoria were together. His eyes showed such adoration and commitment whenever he looked at her. He idolised her, and she revelled in it. But she never treated him the way she should have. She was constantly ordering him around, and he went to do her bidding like a eager little puppy. I didn't like it. It triggered off a bunch of feelings I recognised, but wouldn't acknowledge. It was crazy, to be jealous in a place like this.

One day, the monotony my existence had become was interrupted. I had returned early from hunting, as usual, and found Riley waiting for me.

"Hey," he greeted me.

"Hi," I said. His eyes were the usual scarlet red. I had seen my reflection; my eyes were mahogany, a dark colour tinted with red. They attracted strange looks from the other vampires, who couldn't understand why my eyes were so different from theirs. I dare say many of them had lost their conscience, while mine was still intact and active.

"I'm just letting you know, I'm going away for a few days," he said. I wasn't prepared for the raw panic that shot through my entire body.

"Why? Where are you going?" My voice sounded desperate, to my utmost horror. I didn't like how needy I sounded. But all I could think of was how much more depressing my existence was going to be without Riley in it. Every day, he made a little effort to talk to me, and it was the only part of my day when I didn't feel afraid or anxious. It was the only part of my day when I felt safe.

His expression remained smooth, and I could only hope he hadn't registered the raw desperation in my voice, although it had been pretty clear to me. He wasn't a fool. Maybe he was just trying to spare me embarrassment, or something. It was too late for that. Thankfully, I was incapable of blushing.

"I'm going to collect a few things from Bella's house, so everyone can get a whiff of her scent. She's our main target."

I knew little about Bella, other than that her time was up, according to Victoria. I didn't know what exactly she had done, but I just prayed she had some idea what was on the way to destroy her.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak anymore. OK. He would be back, soon enough. Then why did I feel like the whole world was coming to an end?

I hated to admit it, but I depended on Riley a lot more than I should.


	3. Trap

**Thanks for the feedback!! xxx! I realised that i've been spelling _Riley_'s name wrong (i'm such a dope) so i corrected it - please forgive my blonde moment. Also, i was reading the part Bree was in in Eclipse, and i've decided not to stick too closely to the book in relation to what she said - my Bree is a little more well informed. However, the ending will be the same (aww). This was only supposed to be a short story and all, but there's details i just refuse to leave out, so there's still a few more chapters to go. xxxx **

THREE: TRAP

The days without Riley seemed never-ending, oppressing, and bleak. I was looking forward to his return much more than I should. Not that others paid much attention to me, but if they had, they would have noticed how even more reclusive I had become, and how I seemed to jump slightly every time Riley's name was mentioned. I couldn't help it. My situation seemed even more terrifying without him there, and my only explanation was that he made me feel safe.

Worringly though, I had noticed Victoria throwing me dirty looks. A dirty look from Victoria was like a death stare. It chilled every bone in my body. Ever since the first time I had seen her, I always got the impression that she didn't like me. I couldn't understand what I had ever done to her. But I was always careful to stay out of her way, and not to provoke her. With Riley gone, I felt even more afraid of her - he might be the only person who would save me from her.

The days dragged on, merging together to form the longest period of time I had ever experienced. Every minute felt like an hour. And the worst thing about the waiting was that I was waiting for someone who wasn't mine.

As much as it was crazy to want it, I wanted to be with Riley. I couldn't imagine a worse situation though. He was Victoria's; the last thing I needed for another reason for her to hate me, and I had no doubt that she would rather kill me then see me with him. And of course, the main reason it was so crazy, was that he didn't feel the same. Of course he didn't. He could see how weak and pathetic I was, and he just wanted to help, because he was a good person. He didn't want anything more from me.

So all I had were daydreams. Losing myself in them made the time go a little faster, and made me happy while they lasted. Once I woke to reality, and remembered that a) he wasn't there and b) he wasn't mine, I found the daydreams were always preferable.

Three days after his departure, he returned. The door of our room was unlocked, and he walked in. My relief was overwhelming, and I think I was the only one who was genuinely pleased to see him. A few of the more confident vampires, the ones who had accepted their fate and who now revelled in what they were, greeted him.

Many of the vampires had now accepted the situation. They looked forward to going to Forks to take out the coven that lived there. Families, past lives… had all been forgotten. I wondered how they could do that, so easily, so efficiently. I missed my family and friends dreadfully, and I wished there was some way I could let them know I was OK, but I didn't want to do anything that would put them in danger. They were safer being in the dark.

I felt a jolt as Riley's eyes sought out mine, almost purposely. As though I was the only person he had come in here to see. I battled with this idea, and the hope that was slowly taking me over.

Then I noticed the bag he carried. Many others had noticed it too, and were eyeing it curiously.

"This is Bella Swan's scent. Make a note of it, because as you all know, she's the reason we're all here."

He started taking items of clothing out of the bag and passing them around. A babble of talk erupted, as some made comments on how nice she smelled, others laughing as they fought over who got first dibs, and other things that sickened me. She was just a girl, and regardless of what she had done to piss Victoria off, she didn't deserve what I hoped would never happen to her. No one deserved anything like this, ever.

I obediently inhaled her scent from a shirt that was passed to me, and felt even more sickened by how my throat burned for a taste. I hated what I was. I passed it on, making a face.

But then Riley was standing in front of me, and I temporarily forgot all about Bella, and how thirsty I felt now.

"Hi," he said softly, smiling at me. I was glad no one else was noticing this little exchange between us, too distracted by the scent enclosed in Bella's attire.

"Hi," I replied, returning his smile. I noticed how much better I felt now, all my angst fading away.

"You're OK," he said. He said it quietly, more to himself than to me.

"Yes, I am," I said, just as quietly. His eyes were very warm. I found myself wondering how he felt about me. Like, how he _really_ felt. He was always so kind to me, always looking out for me, so he had to care. But was it in a brotherly-sisterly kind of way, or was it a something more?

No, I couldn't, I couldn't. I couldn't dwell on this. It would only make me obsessed, and desperate. And the last thing I wanted was to start seeing things that weren't really there.

This was a dangerous trap I had fallen into. I was starting to yearn, because I was starting to fall for him. I had no idea how to escape this trap, and I knew I had to. The longer I stayed trapped… I would just be getting in way too deep. But the dangerous thing about this trap, was that I didn't want to escape it.

* * *

I returned from hunting early, as usual. I was always the first one back. The rule was that we come back to the house when we were full, and wait outside until everyone had returned. Then Riley would bring us up to the room. Of course, there were always vampires who didn't come back. Those who wanted to escape their situation. No one ever went to bring them back.

I knew the death count in Seattle had risen even higher. There weren't that many people out at night, now. This… army that had been created, that I was a part of, albeit unwillingly, was the main reason for so many deaths, although I liked to think I didn't really contribute that much to it. Although, taking seven lives a week was still seven lives too many. And then of course there were the loose vampires, who were now probably wild and out of control. I took a little comfort in the fact that at least I wasn't still human, and frightened. At least here, I couldn't get hurt, and didn't have to constantly look over my shoulder. I knew where the enemy was, and where the danger lay. _I_ was the danger.

But always, no matter how early I arrived back to the house, Riley was there waiting for me. I wondered how quickly he must have to feed in order to beat me back to the house, and why he would even bother. But the small amount of time we had, just to talk, was the best part of my day, always.

But he wasn't there. I felt myself deflate a little. I had been looking forward to asking him how the trip went. I loitered around the alley for a while, feeling increasingly anxious as minutes went by and he still hadn't arrived. Had something happened to him? Had he been provoked into a fight with another vampire and torn apart? Horrible, frightening images of Riley in pieces attacked me, vividly. My breathing became uneven. I had to calm down.

I gingerly tested the door of the house. The longer I dwelled in this street, the more anxious I became. The door was unlocked, so I stepped inside. My sensitive ears picked up on two voices, one that made me flinch in fear, and one that made me almost weak with relief. Victoria and Riley. Curiosity took a firm grip on me, and I crept a little closer to the voices, to make out what they were saying.

"… she's absolutely useless. She isn't feeding like she should, so she's just going to be useless and feeble when she's fighting the others."

Victoria's voice was irate, and it quickly dawned that she was talking about me.

"Why did you bother changing her, anyway?" she continued. "You should have just killed her. She'll be no good to us."

I froze.

"We needed more females. They can be just as strong, if not stronger than some of the males." Riley's voice was emotionless.

"Well, Bree's certainly not included in that sentence. Obviously."

I stopped listening, beyond caring how many more times Victoria could emphasise how useless I was. It had been Riley in that dark street, that night. Riley who had grabbed me, in such a surreal, unbreakable grip. Riley who had changed me into… into… _this_.

I fled, before either of them could realise I was listening. How could it have been Riley? Why didn't he ever tell me? The one person here, the only person I felt I could trust completely, the person I had grown to… love? He was the person who had taken my life away, and changed me into this foul creature.

I couldn't take it in. Not my Riley. No, it can't be.

But he wasn't my Riley, I reminded myself. He doesn't care about you. All he wants is for you to fight in the army, and be the monster you're supposed to be.

I felt hollow and empty. Everything, bit by bit, everything that I cared about, was being stolen from me. This was not how my life was supposed to turn out.

I was only fifteen. I had snuck out to a party at my friend's house, and made that fatal mistake of walking home alone. I missed my friends. I missed my parents, and my sister. I was right in the middle of my summer holidays, enjoying the fact I had no school. My summer job provided me with money to go shopping with at weekends. I ached to have that life back. But it had been stolen from me.

Stolen by Riley. I still couldn't accept that.

I didn't want to feel all these pains. I didn't want to feel betrayed, lost, desperate, homesick - anything. I didn't want to feel. I attempted to numb my emotions, and just become dead… unable to feel the pain of everything that I had lost and would never be able to find again.

To distract myself, I paid attention to my surroundings. I was in a park. The wind was fierce, I noticed; the bushes and trees around me struggled ferociously to remain where they stood, an ominous sign to me. My ears picked up the sounds of more voices. I didn't really have a plan. I just followed the sound, uninterested, but in need of something to take my mind off Riley.

It was a group of teenagers, talking, laughing. They can't have been that much older than me, and it shocked me that they thought it was a good idea to hang out in the park this late at night. Especially with all these vampires on the loose. Of course, they didn't know that, but they had to have some idea of the danger of Seattle now. Or maybe, like me, they just didn't think it would happen to them.

The wind suddenly blasted itself into my face, the combined smell of the six teenagers stunning my brain. My throat burned, my mouth watered. I struggled. I was thirsty. Of course I was. I wasn't "feeding like I should". But I didn't want to be a monster.

Hopelessness and dejection rose within me like a tidal wave. What was the point in fighting with myself anymore? Riley wanted me to be this monster - why else would he have changed me? Victoria wanted me to be this monster. Every single impluse in my body, and my burning throat, was screaming at me to be this monster.

I was a monster. Why resist any longer?

* * *

I walked away, ignoring my thoughts, ignoring my feelings. I was trying so desperately to find a space in my mind that was empty of thought, so I could hide there, and not face anything else that was rapaging around in my mind. But I couldn't.

I had just killed, drained the life from those teenagers. Thanks to me, there would be many things they would never experience… their parents will all grieve together for the loss of their children… those teenagers' lives had barely started… and I had stolen their lives from them.

No, I couldn't think about it. It would kill me, too. I needed to be numb. I tried to block my feelings again. My conscience, still ever present, throbbed and writhed in agony, weighed under with the guilt. I tried and failed to ignore it.

I returned back to the house. It sickened me, but I felt better than I had ever felt since waking up here. I felt a little less weak, and my throat barely bothered me. I felt a little more alive. Guilt raged within me. It was wrong to take a life, just so I could feel more alive. Wrong.

The majority of the vampire army had returned; boasting, bragging, talking. There were less and less every day. No one even tried to break up the fights anymore. Our numbers were slowly dwindling, but there were never any new additions, not anymore.

When they noticed me, a hush seemed to fall over the group. I paused, feeling self-conscious. Was it because I wasn't the first back here, for once? Expressions varied from smug to alarmed, and I couldn't figure out why at first. I didn't like them staring at me. I lowered my eyes and stared at the ground.

My eyes. Of course. I wondered dully how red they had become.

I heard Riley's voice, and my reaction was like always. Relief, affection, and a feeling of safety. But then it vanished. How could I feel safe with him anymore, knowing that he had been the one to stalk me down that dark street, and attack?

"Has anyone seen Bree?" His voice sounded a little anxious.

"She's there." I didn't look at the person who pointed me out.

"Bree," Riley said, relief in his tone. I couldn't help myself. I looked up at him. I watched how his expression changed from relief, to that of horror.


	4. Hungry

**Thanks for the reviews. You guys rock! xxxxx**

**FOUR: HUNGRY**

He just stared at me, seemingly oblivious to everyone else around him. I glared back, hating the fact that all the other vampires were looking from me to him interestedly, hating the accusatory look in his eyes. He had wanted me to be the monster, didn't he? So why the hell was he looking at me like that?

He turned around suddenly, and led the crowd of muttering vampires back up to the room. I followed, angry at everyone, including me.

I rolled my eyes as I heard three vampires gossiping about me a couple of feet ahead of me. They were discussing possibilities to why I had stopped resisting, and what was going on with me and Riley. They weren't even close. But at least I gave them something to talk about, something to distract them. There weren't a lot of distractions in that room, besides the building aches in our throats. I didn't give a damn about all the stares I was sure to receive once Riley locked us in.

Riley was waiting next to the door, eyeing every vampire as they filed in, counting them. I didn't look at him, asking God why I was the one who had to be last in the queue. I started to walk through the doorframe, my eyes set determinedly ahead of me, when Riley grabbed my arm. His touch sent a shock right through me.

"Bree?" His voice was hesitant, yet still somehow accusatory.

I jerked my arm away, and glared at him. His eyes were bewildered, and hurt. I was almost overwhelmed with an urge to throw my arms around him, but I still felt too angry at him.

I pushed past him into the room. If my eyes could have filled with tears, they would have. I flung myself down onto the ground, leaning against the wall, and wrapped my arms around my knees, burying my head in my arms. I could feel the stares, but at least I couldn't see them. I heard the door close and the lock click, and I tried to block everything out from my mind, and go to my happy place.

And then I remembered my happy place was with Riley. That was no good anymore.

Grateful for something to do, I began to fabricate another happy place, one without Riley. But hopelessness began to take me over, as all my new happy place consisted of was me, all alone, with nothing to be happy about.

The next night, I had no intention of killing anyone at all. My intentions were good, and I wanted to honour them.

But I had done the one thing I shouldn't have done. I had broken past the defences I had made at the very beginning, and allowed myself to feast. Those defences were now too weak for me.

And I had become addicted.

So, after successfully ignoring Riley, I did what all the other vampires had done since the start. I gave myself, and my conscience, which had become an almost separate, animate part of me, over to my instincts. I hunted with my sense of smell, and closed my brain down, not thinking of how many I was killing, not registering how much stronger I felt.

I couldn't resist anymore. I just wasn't strong enough to.

I was one of the last to return. I had turned into some kind of savage, and I hadn't been able to stop myself. I compared it to being an alcoholic, who gets his first taste of alcohol in a few years. And then it consumes him, becomes all he can think about, and then he's hooked again.

I'd seen my reflection in a shop window. My eyes were glowing, a bright crimson colour. It frightened me, and I had to pull myself away from the stranger staring back at me.

Riley's face was saturated with relief, when I finally returned. This annoyed me. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? Me to be like all the other vampires. Where did he get off making me feel guilty, because I was clearly making him worry? It wasn't even his place to worry about me. He had Victoria. I had no one, and I would have been able to manage on my own just fine, if he hadn't begun to fill my head with all those daydreams.

I looked away from him, disgusted, with him and at myself. It wasn't all his fault, because he hadn't encouraged me or led me to think we had a chance. That was all me, wanting the impossible. All he had ever been was nice and friendly to me. Maybe I had been so desperate for comfort, that I taken something entirely innocent between me and Riley, much too far.

But I didn't know how to change what I felt.

* * *

A week passed. I knew we were getting closer and closer to the time when we would leave for Forks. The numbers had finally settled down; we were now at nineteen, including me, excluding Riley and Victoria. We still outnumbered the coven of seven anyway, and neither Victoria nor Riley seemed too concerned over the amount in our army.

I had managed to go through the whole week without talking to Riley. He had tried, of course, to talk to me, but I wouldn't let him. I didn't want to face the guy who had changed me. The guy who knew I had gone against all the rules I had made for myself, and failed in my attempt not to be the monster. I didn't want to face the guy who now knew I was weak.

I could feel him watching me, sometimes. Whenever Victoria came in to give us another pep talk, he stood behind her, his eyes fixed in my direction. I ignored him, pretended I didn't see. But I always watched him out of the corner of my eye. You see? I was weak. I couldn't stop me from being a monster, and I couldn't stop me from wanting to taste the forbidden fruit.

* * *

Riley unlocked the door and the slightly strained atmosphere within the room lifted. I now knew how they felt. Now that I could feed as freely as I wanted, the thirst became almost inquenchable during the day, the only time when I couldn't satiate it.

I felt like I belonged more, in the group now. I didn't feel so isolated, so completely on my own. I had begun chatting to a girl called Sara, who was about seventeen, the closest person to my own age, next to Riley. Riley had confided in me that he had been a few days from his seventeenth birthday when he was changed. Now he was forever sixteen, his birthday always just out of reach. Even though I felt nothing but anger towards Riley now, the story still made me sad.

Sara was nice, but I couldn't call her a friend. She was very different from me in a lot of ways, and sometimes conversation dried up. However, it was nice to speak to someone who wasn't the reason I was here.

The room began to file out quickly, everyone, including me, anxious to start hunting. Riley's eyes narrowed as I passed him, ignoring him totally, yet still watching him out of the corner of my eye. Why did I manage to fail at everything I attempted? Abstinence from blood, ignoring Riley completely. There was a large red 'Failed' stamp printed across the both of them.

I escaped the house, stepping outside, feeling the cool wind against my face. I tried to make up my mind where to go first, but before I could make any decisions, a cold hand grabbed my arm.

"Bree."

I spun around. It was Riley. Gazing at him, his eyes coal black and angry, I wondered why I was surprised. I had known this would be coming. He would want answers from me. My thirst was forgotten as my mind scrambled to think of what I would tell him. The truth? Lies? Or a mixture of the two?

I jerked my arm out of his grasp, but I didn't run, like he probably expected. I just glared at him.

"What do you want?" I demanded, my voice sounding harsher than I intended it to be.

"A word with you," he replied, and grabbed my arm in a vice-like grip, dragging me back into the house. I struggled only slightly. I wanted to talk to him too, because I missed him. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was forbidden, but I missed him. I missed just talking to him, and I missed the way he smiled at me.

He led me into a room I hadn't been in before. It was a light blue colour, containing only a wardrobe. I didn't know what was inside it, and I didn't care.

Riley closed the door and gazed at me expectantly. Waiting for his explanation. Irritation flared within me. Why did he even care? Was he trying to make me even more miserable? He couldn't be my friend, not when I felt this way about him. I thought about telling him, so we'd both be clear on the boundaries, but a thrill of fear shot through me at that thought. No. He couldn't find out how crazy I was about him. Maybe it was better to hope and dream that he felt the same way, instead of knowing for sure that he didn't.

"Well?" he said, impatient now.

"Well what?" I snapped, angry at myself, angry at him.

My tone made him defensive. "Why have you been ignoring me?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, deciding to play innocent. I didn't want to have this discussion with him, tell him that I knew. What would it change?

His anger seemed to drain away as I spoke.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, worry marring his perfect face.

"Nothing," I said through gritted teeth. I wished he would take the hint that I was in no mood to talk to him, and just leave me alone. No such luck, it seemed.

"Bree, talk to me. What is it?"

And I snapped.

"You…. You're the one who _changed_ me, Riley! You're the one who took my life away from me, and turned me into this… _monster_! I kill others to survive. I never would have wanted this, never. And you're the one who made me like this! And I trusted you, and I even -" I stopped myself, before I could reveal too much. Like how much I depended on him, how much I needed him… how I had even, possibly, fallen in love with him. Like a fool.

Riley was silent, his face a little paler than usual. His eyes were shocked, and I glared at him, breathing heavily. As much as I blamed him for doing this to me, my love for him overwhelmed the anger, so I wasn't nearly as angry as I should have been.

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally, his eyes sad. "I'm sorry for taking your life away. I just couldn't bear to kill you… I don't know what made me stop… I'm sorry, Bree. I'm really sorry. Do you hate me?"

No, I didn't hate him. How could I? He was waiting for my reply with anxious eyes, and I searched for words to convince him otherwise. But words wouldn't be enough. The idea sprang into my mind, and I couldn't ignore it. We were heading into Forks tomorrow, and there would be no other right time, to show him how much I cared about him.

I didn't think it through. I didn't think about Victoria, or anyone else. All I cared about was Riley, and I wanted to show him how much.

I advanced on him purposely, determined. His eyes, the useful window into his soul, told me he was confused, wary… but then I was too close, and my eyes closed…

I kissed him firmly, feeling his unresponsive lips against mine, and I prayed he wouldn't push me away, and avoid me. There was a chance we mightn't survive tomorrow. This was _our_ only chance. A few seconds passed, and he still hadn't responded, and I felt a large black hole inside me, draining me, leaving me empty. He didn't want me. He didn't love me. He loved Victoria, and I was just his pathetic little friend who had thrown herself at him.

If my heart could have broken into two, it would have.

I pulled my lips away, and lowered my head, refusing to meet his gaze. I didn't want to see his expression, the one that would just clarify how much he didn't want me. I just wanted him to turn around and leave; it was the only way I wanted this situation to end, the only way that wouldn't hurt me further.

"Bree?" My name tumbled out of his mouth in a sigh, which I felt blow against my forehead. I couldn't pick out any discernable emotions in it, that would be telling to how he felt, so I had no choice but to meet his eyes. I reluctantly raised my head, preparing myself for more rejection.

The second his eyes connected with mine, I stopped breathing. He didn't look repulsed, or angry. His eyes were hungry. It was almost incomprehensible, after I had braced myself for rejection. His eyes were so intense, I couldn't breathe.

"I'll take that as a no, shall I?" he whispered, with one of his wicked grins.

And then he kissed me.


	5. Goodbye

**Hi. Sorry for the wait - all my stories will be delayed, since i have been banned from the internet at home (suckkkfest). Mothers. Grrr. But anyway, thanks goes to the reviewers, and those who have stuck with the stories. You all rock. The next chapter may be the last, though. Depends how long it is; we shall see! xxxx**

* * *

**FIVE: GOODBYE**

"It shouldn't have happened."

I pretended I couldn't hear him. I slid down the wall I had been leaning against, so that I was sitting on the floor. I closed my eyes.

I always knew that, after the kiss, he would try and find some way to deny to himself that it happened, and regret it. He loved Victoria, and I knew that. I just didn't want to hear the words coming from his mouth, that me and him were a mistake. I blocked out his words, trying to find a little haze in my head where I could think about the most amazing few minutes of my life, where he looked at me like he wanted me, and kissed me like he wanted me. I tried not to think of the consequences now, of those few minutes.

But, no matter how hard I tried not to hear, his perfect voice caught my attention, and I was forced to listen to the words.

"I'm sorry Bree, but I can't be with you."

I nodded slowly, afraid to open my eyes, afraid of his expression. I tried to guess what it would be. Pity? Disgust? Remorse? I was better off not knowing. I didn't get hurt quite as much this way.

"It's OK," I said, quietly. "I'm sorry too." I waited from him to leave. But he didn't. I could feel him watching me, for an immeasurable amount of time. And I marvelled at how safe and whole I felt, with just his eyes on me. All I could see was the darkness, with my eyes closed, but his gaze made me feel unafraid. So I knew it immediately when he left, because I felt empty and alone, his comforting presence gone.

I opened my eyes. The room was empty. I let the breath I didn't realise I had been holding out of my lungs. So that was it. For just that one kiss, I had lost Riley completely. He would be sure to stay away from me now. He was probably feeling guilty right now, for cheating on Victoria. But was it even cheating? It was just a kiss, and he didn't even care about me that way anyway. I had thrown myself at him. He was a guy. Why resist the girl when she so clearly wanted him?

I was unprepared for the pain that slammed into me. I curled up into a ball, wincing at the pain of rejection and unrequited love as they took me over, slowly breaking me into pieces. How would I be able to fight tomorrow, with this crushing pain killing me?

But I couldn't bring myself to regret it. My one kiss with Riley was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Why would I regret something so blissful?

But I had no clue it would hurt this much. It was too much to deal with; almost unbearable.

I picked myself up off the floor, not without effort. I couldn't be found here like this. It would only lead to questions, and my mind wasn't fit for fabricating lies. I escaped the house, running far away from it. Only then did I start to feed. I think I may have broken my own record. I lost count of the amount of innocent people I slaughtered.

I glanced up at the sky, and noticed it was beginning to brighten. I finally made my way back… home? I could hardly call it that. My prison, maybe? I didn't have a home. I didn't have anything, anything at all.

With a shock, I found Riley waiting outside for me. All the other vampires must have gone in already. I felt a rush of love towards him, which was immediately doused with pain. His expression cleared when he laid eyes on me, but only slightly. Maybe he thought I wasn't going to come back. I wouldn't have, if I had anywhere else to go.

"What the hell were you playing at?" he snapped at me. "It's almost morning, I was getting worried." He was angry with me, that much was obvious. I was hurt by his attitude towards me. He must be feeling guilty, and blaming me for it, because I was the one who kissed him first. I felt myself becoming defensive, and extremely bitter.

"Oh, whatever, Riley," I snapped back. "Why did you even bother worrying? It's not like you actually care, anyway." I tried to push past him, but he blocked me, his eyes furious.

"_That's not true_!" he roared at me. I took a step away from him, taken aback by his fury. I glared at him, upset, and he glared back fiercely. I couldn't think of a single thing to say. Time seemed to slow down for a minute or two, and we simply stared at each other.

"What's going on here?"

I jumped at the horribly familiar voice. He started too, and turned around to face Victoria, who had just exited the house.

"I was just giving out to Bree for getting back so late. It's almost morning. She could have been seen."

Victoria shot me a disapproving look, and I glared at the back of Riley's head. Was he trying to get me killed now? Maybe if that happened, he wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, I thought spitefully.

"You should be more careful, Bree," she said, and I nodded, not meeting her eyes. "Although…" her voice trailed off, and I looked up at her curiously. It was the first time she had spoken to me without a trace of disgust in her tone. "You did the right thing when you decided to start feeding properly." I nodded again. She appeared to dismiss me, so I headed into the house, struggling with myself not to sneak a glance at Riley.

I could hear them talking about tomorrow, so I slowed down a little to listen. Victoria was telling Riley about how they were going to leave the army to deal with the coven and go after Bella themselves. I felt a little scared. I still didn't know how to fight, and if Riley was somewhere else then I didn't know of anyone else who might save me.

* * *

The day of the fight dawned. There was an air of excitement exuding from the other vampires, who had looked forward to this; the monotony of this life could be wearing. I was consumed with nerves. There was so much I was worried about, so much I still wanted to do, and I had no time left to do it in.

I had accepted I mightn't live to see tomorrow. It was a probability rather than a possibility. I wasn't a fighter. I was weak, and I would be one of the first to die. I had accepted it.

And I didn't want my life to end while I was on bad terms with Riley. He was the only good thing in my life at the moment, even if he didn't know it. If it weren't for him, I would have crumbled to nothing a long time ago. I had to apologise to him. But it was so hard to find the right time.

He was permanently attached to Victoria's side, it seemed. He didn't even look at me. As the army travelled towards Forks, under the cover of darkness, I stayed near the end of the crowd, while he remained up ahead with her. I didn't feel brave enough to creep closer to him.

But thankfully, a chance presented itself at the very last moment.

Sara and another vampire were drawn into a disagreement, and had begun to fight each other. Victoria swept to break them up, furious, and then Riley was alone, gazing after her, and I knew I only had seconds.

So quickly I almost disappeared, I ran over to Riley's side and leant to whisper in his ear. I heard his breath catch as he registered me so close to him, from out of nowhere.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, so quietly not even the other vampires had a hope of hearing. "I love you, Riley." I didn't want to wait to see his reaction, but I felt better now he knew. I could feel his eyes on my back as I rushed back to my position in the crowd, and I hid from his gaze behind a rather large fellow vampire. I felt slightly childish, but the last thing I wanted to see was his pity and rejection, because he didn't feel the same.

* * *

Victoria led us into a forest, and we caught hold of Bella's scent. The trail was strong, leading right into the depths of the woods. She told us to follow it, and we would find the coven at some point too. We'd know it was them because of their strange yellow eyes. Whoever got to Bella first could have her, she said. I watched her lie so blatantly to the eager newborns, who had no idea that neither Victoria nor Riley were going to help, like they thought they would. And Bella wouldn't even be there. I was convinced she was walking us straight to our deaths.

I still couldn't look at Riley as I followed the crowd into the forest. Maybe everything had been enough. He knew I loved him, and he had kissed me… such things I never imagined would happen, now precious memories.

The vampire Sara had been fighting with started calling dibs on Bella, which annoyed most of the crowd. I could tell another fight was imminent, and my heart sank. There wouldn't be enough of us for the coven to kill if we all kept fighting like this. I barely listened as he began taunting Sara again, lost in memories of Riley.

Sara started to fight with the other vampire again, and the whole crowd stopped to watch. My terrified eyes were transfixed by their brutality - had they been injuring humans in this way too? We really were monsters.

But then, suddenly, Riley was there.

He grabbed me and pulled me behind a tree, looking around frantically for anyone who noticed. They were all distracted by the fight. I gazed at him, breathing heavily, once we were out of anyone's sight. He looked stressed, yet determined.

"Bree," he began, and began to speak so quickly and quietly I had to concentrate to catch every word. "I need you to keep yourself safe and alive. It's my fault you're here and I _will not_ be the reason for your death. Surrender. If they ask you questions, lie! Lie about how much you know, play innocent, play dumb - anything! Save your life, Bree. Promise me."

"Riley, I…" I trailed off, unsure what to say, my mind racing.

"Promise me, Bree!" Riley said, agitated.

"I promise," I said. "But only if you do the same."

He half-smiled at me, his eyes losing some of their worry and stress, to be replaced with warmth. We gazed at each other, both knowing, instinctively, that this might be the last time we would speak with each other. I prayed that this wouldn't be true, but the odds were stacked against us. I savoured every second. We just stood there, memorising each other's faces.

He seemed to hesitate for a minute, and then his lips crushed mine. My mind swirled. He kissed me for the shortest second, before pulling away and staring into my eyes. They were hungry, once again, in a way that made me stop breathing.

"Bye, Bree," he said, and then he was gone.

I forced myself to walk back to the army, trying not to fall to pieces.

* * *

I didn't know the outcome of the fight between Sara and that other vampire. I walked with the crowd in a daze, torn between my instinct to run away, and the dead, hopeless part of me which wanted a painful death; anything to distract me from my last conversation with Riley.

There was still so much I wanted to say to him, to ask him. There was still so much I didn't know. Did he love me too? Or did he feel guilty, and he just wanted to make sure I didn't die unhappy? I didn't know what to think. But he had to care. That was the one thing I was absolutely certain of, and nothing could make me doubt it. He did care about me. And I was desperate to know how much.

But now I'd never know. I'd probably never see him again.

The pain of this thought stabbed me viciously. It was an almost incomprehensible thought, because I lived because of Riley. He was the one who made me, the reason I was here, but I no longer felt anger towards him for that. I lived because of him, and I felt grateful. Riley was the one part of this whole experience I couldn't bring myself to regret.

"Hold up!" one of the vampires boomed suddenly, and everyone hesitated. I realised why a second later. The scent of other vampires was strong. There was no way it was human; it had to be the coven. My nerves made a grand reappearance, and I was wrenched from my thoughts of Riley, and thrust back into reality. I remembered what I had to do. I had to keep my promise to Riley. I had to stay alive.

The others deliberated, and I offered no help. My intuition flickered to life, and I had a bad feeling that this could be a trap. I knew Bella was elsewhere, because otherwise Victoria would be here too. So what trail did we follow? What trail did _I_ follow?

The group eventually decided to split up. I joined the group that was to follow the foreign vampires' scent. I couldn't shake off the horrible feeling that Bella's trail was nothing but a trap. So we separated, and I shook with nerves as we proceeded deeper into the forest.


	6. Hearts Burst Into Fire

**Well, this is the end. The minute i started writing it i couldn't stop. I hope you think i did it justice. I want to thank three people who read and reviewed every chapter since the start: bingo1000, Pendragon2, and Angeldivachic. Your enthusiasm for this story was like finding chocolate ice cream in the fridge when you thought your sister ate it all. Just simply marvellous. Thanks so much. xxx**

**Oh, and the title of this chapter is the name of a 'Bullet For My Valentine' song. I dunno how big that band are around the world. They're class, anyway. For some reason, this chapter just had to be named after that song; you can interpret it any way you like. Another song of theirs, called Waking the Demon, is a really cool song that reminds me of how Bree refers to the 'monster' inside her, always threatening to break loose. If you ever get the chance, check it out. Now, enough of me babbling on forever, enjoy. Thanks for reading. This story isn't the most popular, but i really love it with all my heart. lurrrve. xxxxx**

**DISCLAIMER: I very obviously DO NOT own the extracts of the convos taken from Eclipse. I don't own a thing. sigh**

* * *

**SIX: HEARTS BURST INTO FIRE**

There was a sudden eruption of growls, echoing throughout the forest, pressing against my eardrums. I spun, terrified. The group of vampires I was with stopped too, their expressions unsure and wary. It didn't sound like a coven of vampires to me. And it appeared to be echoing from the direction the other group of vampires had gone in. It _had_ been a trap, I thought, my eyes wide.

The group started moving again, uneasily, and I found myself swept up in it. I didn't want to be here at all. I wanted to be anywhere else; I didn't care where it was. My ears were picking up on the most irrelevant noises, and I panicked at every single one of them. I could see the word _ambush_ written everywhere. I was paranoid, I was heartbroken, and I was scared.

The trees cleared suddenly, and we found ourselves in a clearing. Six vampires hovered at the edges of it, opposite to us. I had never felt more afraid in my whole life than in that second. I wasn't going to survive. I had always known it, but now that I was staring death in the face, it was more real to me now. I was going to die. But I couldn't. I had to keep my promise to Riley. I had to stay alive, somehow.

My group of foolish vampires needed no encouragement. They sunk into their defensive positions, their teeth bared, and I shrank back into the trees as the battle began. Everyone was being ripped into pieces. I couldn't watch. My breathing was shallow, and it hurt. I wanted to turn around and run, but I was afraid I would run into those other monsters, the ones that had growled so fiercely. I didn't know what to do. I was all too aware of how fragile and precious my life was.

I wasn't paying attention. I didn't notice the vampire advancing on me until it was too late. He grabbed me in a strong hold, and I didn't even try to resist.

"No!" I gasped, praying that he would listen before snapping my head off. He did pause, but he didn't loosen his grip. "I surrender. I don't want to fight. Please, please don't kill me." I could hear the raw pleading in my tone, and I felt so afraid of just… blackness shrouding me, as he killed me anyway. If it didn't work, if he didn't listen, I would have let Riley down. I couldn't let Riley down. He had to listen to me.

The vampire seemed to consider for the shortest second, and I couldn't believe it when he released me.

"They won't hurt you if you stop fighting. Wait here," he said, and blocked me from the view of the other vampires behind a tree. He rejoined the fight, and I stood, frozen, forcing myself to breathe in and out regularly. I listened as my - acquaintances? - were snapped apart, and I felt nauseaus, even though I knew I was incapable of vomiting.

After what seemed like forever, it was suddenly quiet again. I peeked around my tree, afraid of what might accost my eyes. They took in a large fire, smoke billowing from it, and I had to look away quickly, not wanting to register the pieces of the vampires I had once lived with burning amongst the flames.

I was more alert now, and my eyes snapped onto an enormous vampire, with golden eyes, who had just noticed me. He began to advance on me, and I stumbled backwards, terrified of the look in his eyes. I almost collapsed with relief when the vampire who had taken pity on me earlier blocked him.

"No, Emmett. She surrendered," he said in a calming voice.

"So?"

"She hasn't been taught. And she didn't fight with them. There's no reason to kill her."

The large one called Emmett didn't look convinced. I was frozen in place, completely petrified. It seemed my life was hovering on a very unstable line. I kept going back and forth over it, never sure of my future. If I even had one.

The kind one summoned over another vampire to keep guard on me, which he named Jasper. Jasper looked me over with suspicious eyes, and I just curled myself into a ball on the ground. To attempt to calm myself down, I thought of Riley, remembering our final minute together, our final kiss. Maybe now, since it seemed I wasn't going to die, maybe I would see him again?

Hope was such a dangerous emotion, but I felt myself becoming victim to it. Victoria wouldn't let him die, surely? She must love him, maybe not as much as I did, but enough to protect him from harm. Maybe if we both survived, we could be together after this. Even though I shouldn't, because I knew I would regret it, I began imagining the future we could have together.

And I did regret it. Almost as soon as I began to hope and wish, the fear and pain arrived. Where was Riley? Was he hurt? No, he can't be hurt - I pushed the idea out of my head. It was too painful. Why couldn't I have gone with him? That way, at least now I would know he was alright. I felt myself starting to panic.

It was made a whole lot worse when another vampire arrived, carrying a human girl in his arms. The scent hit me like a sledgehammer to my face; it was Bella. My throat raged a fierce war. I hadn't denied it in so long, and now I was paying for every second. All I could think of was jumping up and killing her. But then they'd kill me for sure, and I would have let Riley down, broken my promise.

I could feel the eyes of the kind vampire on me, scrutinising my internal struggle. I wanted to look strong, like I could handle the temptation, as the vampires around me could so effortlessly, but I felt so unstable that I didn't think I could handle anything anymore. My throat burned viciously, my body ached to jump up and kill her before the others realised what was happening, fear for Riley pulsed in every part of my body. I was close to a complete and utter breakdown.

I watched in fascination as the kind vampire, and the one who had carried her in, brought her around. How could they be so close to her? Did their throats not affect them like mine did? Why couldn't I be like them? Why was I the monster all the time? Even surrounded by other vampires, I was the monster. It suddenly occurred to me that the vampire called Jasper was not guarding me from them… he was guarding _them_ from _me_. As though I would hurt them. Because everyone saw me as the monster.

As I fought the urge to kill Bella, who stood amid vampires who did not react to her in the frantic, desperate way that I did, I truly felt disgust at myself. What had I become? Why could I not control myself? Did I always have to show to everyone that I was a monster, powerless, completely consumed by my own thirst?

I wanted to be the one in control this time. Me, the person who had been lost the second she had been bitten. I didn't want to be controlled by my thirst, by Victoria, by my hatred and fear of what I was. Controlled by my love for Riley. So many emotions and people had combined together, and I had lost my control. Well, now I wanted it back.

I watched, my eyes wide, as Bella regained consciousness, and the vampire who had carried her in kissed her. _Kissed her_. He loved her so much he could kiss her without giving in and killing her. The kiss reminded me of my kisses with Riley, the only real passion I had ever known. I had not lived long enough to have any sense of true love, but I knew I loved Riley. But where was he? Was he still alive? Did he fight to stay alive for me, like the way I was fighting to stay alive for him?

It was too much. I was overwhelmed with fear, and frustration, and anger at my thirst, which was showing no signs of calming down. I wailed out loud, almost driven to insanity by the thoughts raging around my mind, and my blistering throat.

Jasper growled at me, and I cringed back. He glared at me fiercly, and I badly wanted to… _punch_ him. He didn't understand what I was going through right now. Who was he to judge me? And how dare he growl at me! Now overwhelmed by my desire to slap this guy across the face, I dug my fingers into the earth, trying to talk myself out of doing anything stupid. I shook my head back and forth, trying to keep it together. I knew none of the vampires here would hesitate to kill me if I put a single toe out of line.

The kind one came over to me, and it occurred to me how psycho I was acting. I couldn't help it, and I wasn't strong enough to think of another way to deal with everything. I just had to content myself with acting deranged.

"Have you changed your mind, young one?" he asked me. I gazed up at him, suddenly afraid again. "We don't want to destroy you, but we will if you can't control yourself."

I _was_ controlling myself. I was almost going insane, but I was controlling myself. What more did he want from me? I was doing my best. He couldn't destroy me for that - he couldn't make me break my promise to Riley.

"How can you stand it?" I asked them, curious as to how easily they were able to be near her without their throats urging them to kill her, like mine was. "I _want_ her," I blurted, overwhelmed by another strong wave of thirst, as her scent once more blew in my direction.

"You must stand it. You must exercise control. It is possible, and it is the only thing that will save you now."

I didn't like the way he was talking to me, as though I was a child. I may be locked in my fifteen-year-old body, but I had grown up a lot over the past few months. I was well able to control myself, and I think I was doing pretty well so far, considering. It was all a matter of willpower.

I put my hands over my head, grabbing the solution he offered me; control myself, and I'll be saved, and I'll have kept my promise to Riley. I wanted to block everything out, and go to my happy place, the nice one, the one with Riley in it. After a few minutes, I was shocked to discover I had been yowling without realising it. I stopped upon realising this, not wanting to give the others further reasons to think me crazy.

I could hear Bella talking, now that my yowling had ceased, and I felt tormented by my thirst again. I never had to deal with being so close to a scent and not being able to taste it. I clenched my teeth together, digging my nails into the back of my neck. It was like being absolutely parched for days, and then sat next to a glass of water, icy cold, crystal clear, and being commanded not to drink it. I wouldn't even think about drinking it, I vowed. I had stayed this strong, and I wasn't going to let myself become the monster again.

I directed my anger internally, disgusted at myself. How could I think about my thirst when I still didn't know where Riley was?

I could feel eyes on me, and without thinking, I raised my head. My eyes locked with Bella's. She was gazing at me with a pitying expression, but there was something deeper there, something besides me she was thinking about. I gazed back, not breathing, trying to keep my face from appearing insane, but I knew my eyes gave me away. My eyes reflected whatever I was feeling, always. No doubt she could see my fury, maybe even my fear. I felt so enraged by what I was, the monster that was trying to break free, and my lack of knowledge as to where Riley was.

Five more vampires arrived. I held my head in my hands again, trying to block everything out once more. I tried to think of something sweet, like Riley's kisses. They were so gentle, and nothing had ever compared to the feeling of his lips against mine. I smiled to myself a little, remembering. I felt myself becoming a little calmer, also. I drifted, half listening to the conversation the others were having, half lost in memories of me and Riley, and the stolen, too short, moments we had shared.

And then I was suddenly alert to my surroundings, and the conversation.

"Her name was Victoria."

_Was._

I looked up in time to see the bronze haired vampire, the one who had kissed Bella, incline his head towards a pillar of smoke, a good distance away. No one noticed as I stared at it, wide eyed with fear, shaking uncontrollably. Riley was with Victoria.

I paid more attention to the conversation.

"This Victoria - she was in addition to the eighteen here?" a small, young looking vampire asked; one of the new arrivals.

"Yes," the bronze haired one answered. "She only had one other with her. He was not as young as this one here, but no older than a year."

I wanted to scream how he had been days away from his seventeenth birthday. I didn't miss how he spoke in past tense, and didn't mention his whereabouts now. I could tell, by the finality of his tone, that my Riley was dead.

I stared into space, all my hope draining from me, leaving me completely hollow and empty. What was the point of trying to keep myself alive when Riley was dead? I had nothing to live for, now. He was dead. He was gone. I repeated the words over and over in my head, but they still wouldn't completely sink in. My world revolved around Riley; without him in it, I didn't exist. So I couldn't be existing now.

"You there. Your name."

It took me a minute to realise the young vampire was speaking to me. I was shocked back into reality. I panicked, my thoughts racing. I didn't know what would be the right thing to say, that would keep me alive. Because I _was_ going to keep my promise to Riley, no matter what. I felt a steely determination to honour it. It had been the only thing he had asked me to do.

I had taken too long to answer. The vampire smiled at me, and everywhere exploded into pain. It surged through me, completely unbearable. I screamed, frantically wondering why no one was stopping this torture, why they were letting her hurt me like this. I had done nothing wrong. Silently, I begged Riley to save me, even though I knew he couldn't.

The pain stopped. I inhaled the smell of grass, my face pressed against the ground.

"Your name," I heard her say again.

"Bree," I gasped.

And then there was the pain again. It hurt even worse the second time; it had intensified in power, coursing through every inch of me, making me scream again. It felt like every bone was being broken, my skin was being shredded. Through my screams, I heard one of them telling her to stop. Thankfully, the pain ceased, as did my screaming.

The young vampire, who I now hated with a passion, began to question me. "Bree. Is his story true? Where there twenty of you?"

I remembered some of Riley's last words to me.

_If they ask you questions, lie! Lie about how much you know, play innocent, play dumb - anything! Save your life, Bree. _

I spoke quickly, my mind quickly formulating what I would say before I said it. I decided to act like I hadn't been told all that much. Maybe playing it innocent would save me. I didn't really have any other option.

"Nineteen or twenty, maybe more, I don't know!" I said, cringing, it suddenly occurring to me that my ignorance might just provoke another round of torture. I improvised. "Sara and the one whose name I don't know got in a fight on the way…"

"And this Victoria - did she create you?"

I flinched as I thought of the truthful answer to that question.

"I don't know," I forced myself to say. "Riley -" I choked out the name "- never said her name." I found the lies were coming to me easily enough. Maybe if it looked like I hadn't known Victoria at all, it would save me too. She was the ringleader, after all. "I didn't see that night… it was so dark, and it hurt…" I shuddered, remembering how scared I had felt. "He didn't want us to be able to think of her. He said that our thoughts weren't safe."

That was taken from one of Victoria's pep talks. She had spoken about the vampire who could read minds, and warned us, that if we got caught out on the streets and pressed for information on who created us, not to think of her. I had thought her selfish at the time, willing to risk us all to save herself.

I panicked. Oh my God, why didn't I think? One of them knew I was lying now! I briefly searched their faces, but I couldn't find anything that would indicate it was any one of them. I tensed, terrified, waiting for the moment my lies would be called on.

"Tell me about Riley," my inquisitor said, and I felt a new surge of hatred towards her. Hadn't she tortured me enough? Now I had to talk about him? "Why did he bring you here?"

I answered quickly, trying not to think too much. I used the truth as an outline and coloured it in, making up lies on the spot.

"Riley told us that we had to destroy the strange yellow-eyes here. He said that it would be easy. He said that the city was theirs, and they were coming to get us. He said that once they were gone, all the blood would be ours. He gave us her scent," I said, and pointed at Bella. "He said that we would know that we had the right coven, because she would be with them. He said whoever got to her first could have her."

I noticed that Bella's boyfriend tensed at this, and he was staring at me with a piercing gaze. An icy splinter shot through my chest as I realised he was the one who could hear me lying. I didn't know if he was going to tell on me, so I gazed at him and prayed he would listen.

_Please, don't,_ I thought. _I mean no harm._ I ran over my last conversation with Riley in my head. _I love him_.

He continued to gaze at me, but he didn't say anything. I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or not. My torturer was speaking to me again.

"It looks like Riley was wrong about the easy part," she said. I nodded, starting to feel a little relieved. Maybe they were going to save me after all. I could feel nothing threatening emanating from any of them. I will have kept my final promise to Riley after all. I continued with my story, editing slightly.

"I don't know what happened. We split up, but the others never came. And Riley left us, and he didn't come to help like he promised. And then it was so confusing, and everybody was in pieces. I was afraid. I wanted to run away. That one -" I looked at the kind vampire "- said they wouldn't hurt me if I stopped fighting."

"Ah, but that wasn't his gift to offer, young one. Broken rules demand a consequence."

I stared at her, frozen. What did she mean? They were going to kill me anyway? But I promised Riley I would stay alive!

I zoned out of the conversation. I couldn't believe it. After everything the kind one had said, I still might not live to see tomorrow. It meant breaking Riley's, promise, and dying. I couldn't break Riley's promise! It was the only thing I had to live for now that he was gone!

I wasn't prepared for the feeling of an incredible calm, a intense peace, that stole over me. If I died, I'd be with Riley again. It would all be OK. We'd be together again.

I pulled myself back into the conversation to hear what they were saying. The kind one was speaking.

"Of course, we would certainly be prepared to take responsibility for Bree." I gazed at him, touched by his kindness, yet wondering why he would bother. No one here wanted me alive, that was for sure. I was supposed to die, and be with Riley.

The kind one's offer was denied, and pitying eyes turned to stare at me. They all knew I was going to die. I knew I was going to die. And it was OK. Riley was dead too. I had nothing on this earth to live for, and I would be made to live forever. In death, at least I could be with Riley.

I watched as the guy my torturer called Felix, started to advance on me. I knew I hadn't much time left. I concentrated on the memory of Riley's face; the last beautiful thing I would ever see. I braced myself for death. No matter where I went to after this, I would find my Riley again.

Felix grabbed me roughly. I screamed, but not in pain or fear. It was a sort of lament for myself, and for Riley. I felt sorry that I couldn't keep his promise. But at least this way, we would be together again.

_I love you, Riley,_ was my last thought.


End file.
